BEWARE THE HONDURAN MELON! (GET CARNIE STRONG IN 12 EASY STEPS!)

So I was perusing the CNN.com politics section to see what the latest calamity to befall one of the candidates would be. Incidentally, why not have embedded reporters in the campaigns with grainy digital videos following them around at all hours. I'm sure you could fill an hour of TV with just the raw footage. Or better yet, get the people who are doing the Hills to do the Presidential candidates. Why not? These people have no dignity left anyways.

AT ANY RATE. So I'm doing that. And then on the side they have their poll going. The above poll. Which as you might note has nothing to do with anything beyond freaking me out. I think this poll sort of captures everything that pesters me about post-post-post "journalism". I mean. OF COURSE I wouldn't eat a Honduran melon. Not NOW. I heard something about them having salmonella. Who wants that kind of badness crashing their April Fools Day celebrations? Sorry, not my kind of scene. The most danger I live with is falling asleep next to a fat Pitt Bull , named Chopper, who likes to fart on a nuclear level right in my face.

But if you want something to be legitimately afraid of:

Yes friends. That is a giant HOLE OF FIRE. I was reading about this on Grinding.be.
Apparently it's called "The Door to Hell" and it's in Turkmenistan. It's not really a recent thing either. At least in human terms. Supposedly some geologists found this cavern full of gas, and ignited it. And it's been burning for 35 years.

If you don't think our future is in fire , you're not paying attention. This planet will smoke us out if it has to. Even Firefighters have figured out that we're not going to fight or stop fires from happening on this planet. It was foolish to ever think we would. The trick has been redirection and manipulation of the element. Firefighters as Fire Shamans.



We need to stop teaching math and traditional science in schools. And teach fire breathing, fire swallowing, sword swallowing, contortion skills, slight of hand, graft, theater--carnie skills. Those are the only skills that are going to be useful to us in four years.